Dream Jobs

My definition of what a “Dream Job” is has changed over the years, which is quite natural, I guess. But in my case, I was told that my choices of dream jobs were very exotic, and it often made my parents nervous about my future. I could never understand why, but then again, I can never understand why people worry about the future.

In any case, my first dream job was to be a Circus Magician. When I was a kid, one of my uncles took me to the circus, and I remember that the magician in the circus had a profound impact on me. He was making birds appear and disappear as if it were nothing, and he seemed to be controlling fire and smoke and all the other elements by his mind. But what I liked, more than anything else, was his cape. It was just like Batman’s! I originally wanted to be Batman when I grew up, but I was told that he wasn’t real, so I had given up hope. But here was the Circus Magician, wearing a cape that looked like Batman’s and he was undoubtedly real. Wow. Can you imagine being in a job where you wore a black cape all day? That would be so awesome!

And so, I was convinced that this was the job for me when I grew up.

I had to give up the idea of becoming a Circus Magician a few years later, when I found out that you had to travel around the country and live with Lions and Tigers. Cats absolutely terrify me, and the idea of living and traveling with a bunch of big cats overpowered the coolness of the Batman cape. Now I had to get a new dream job.

For the longest time, I thought race car drivers were aliens because of the very exotic uniforms that they wore and their shiny helmets. I imagined they were sent to earth in their weird helmets and colorful uniforms to show earthlings how to escape in fast vehicles from the invading alien army. But since I discovered that race car drivers were just regular people, I decided that I wanted to be one of them. What could be better than sitting in a fast car, driving like a maniac and crashing into other cars? I had also decided that I wanted to specialize in crashes, because that was so cool, and they would play your crash over and over again on the TV. So, there it was, I was going to be a race car driver.

Unfortunately, I had to give up this dream as well, after I found out that drivers tend to end up in hospitals after crashes. My original assumption that race car drivers don’t get hurt because they are aliens was no longer valid, and I really hate getting injections. Damn! This dream was out too.

My next dream job is also my current one. Someday, I want to be a professional Celebrity. I mean, it seems to be that Celebrities don’t do very much, get paid exorbitant amounts of money, get often featured on television and become famous, and most importantly, they an act however they please. For example, for normal people, yelling and screaming at other people is considered rude, but for a Celebrity, that is practically a requirement! Celebrities seem to be able to do stupid things, and everyone else seems to applaud them when they do these stupid things.

That’s the kind of job I want! The only problem, so far, has been that I can’t figure out how to become a celebrity. I guess I just have to wait for the right time and place, and the Celebrity Induction Institute (CII) will find me and turn me into one.

Any day now! I can feel it!

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