I’m rapidly approaching a milestone in my life that has been deeply worried. This year, I’ll have spent 3 decades on this planet, and that milestone has made me a bit flummoxed. I had hoped that by this time in my life, I’d own 2 palaces and a BMW M5, but I’m somewhat behind on that. I was thinking about what I can do to make those palaces and cars a reality, when it occurred to me that I could shift the responsibility of buying those things to The Wife. I decided to have a heart-to-heart talk with The Wife and see if she’d be open to the idea.
The Wife is sitting in front of the TV, watching the French Open. She’s very involved in the match, and there’s no easy way to bring up the topic of buying a car with The Wife (as I’ve learned from previous experience), so I decide to just say it:
Me: “I think you should buy me a BMW M5. It’s only fair!”
The Wife mutes the TV and gives me a stare.
The Wife: “Excuse Me?”
Me: “I’ve been thinking about my life, and what I want from it”
The Wife: “You want a BMW from life?”
Me: “Among other things…”
The Wife: “And why should I be the one buying it for you?”
Me: “Because I bought you Bhel Puri in College.”
I suspect a similar thing is happening here. There is stunned silence.
The Wife: “Let me make sure I understand. You’re saying that you buying me Bhel Puri is the same as me buying you a BMW?”
Me: “That is correct”
The Wife: “Don’t you think there’s a slight price difference between the two?”
I was expecting this kind of cynicism from The Wife, but fortunately, I had a bullet-proof argument already prepared.
Me: “You see, you have to see everything in context here. We need to compare the inflation-adjusted prices based on PPP.”
The Wife: “What?”
Me: “See, back in college, Bhel Puri, taking you to movies etc… counted for a very large percentage of my income. That is to say, I spent most of my money on you. Plus, inflation has been roughly 7% for the last decade. Therefore, taking into account Bhel Puri inflation, expressing that as a percentage of my income back in college and converting it into today’s money using the standard Purchasing-Power-Parity(PPP) formula, it roughly works out to the price of a brand new BMW. I can show you the math if you want.”
The Wife: “I don’t think that’s how you are supposed to calculate these things”
Me: “That’s how the IMF and the World Bank does it. Are you saying that the World Bank is wrong?”
The Wife: “Don’t try to overwhelm me with all this Maths jargon and force your way”
Me: “The overwhelming force you are feeling ” (… putting on sunglasses….) “is logic!“
I threw in some theatrical hand gestures along with that last statement for good measure.
While I was absolutely convinced that I had a solid argument, The Wife proceeded to absolutely rip it to shreds about some irrelevant talk about how cheap I was in college and how I spent most of my money on snooker instead of her. Or something like that. I wasn’t really listening.
Anyway, it looks like this argument has not worked. I’ll have to come up with something else. Do you, my dear readers, have any advice as to how I may convince The Wife that it is her honorable duty to buy me the latest BMW M5?