After my previous encounter over negotiating household chores went down the drain, I was thinking of new ways to try and get out of the drudgery. I really really hate cleaning the table after dinner, and I was summoning all my creative forces to help me on this one.
After cleaning the dining table yet another time, I sat down all exhausted in front of the TV. The news was coming on, where the TV news anchor was making a big deal about rising inflation.
TV anchor: “…and with the rising prices of petrol and food grains, it is the poor aam admi that is suffering…”
Me: “That’s stupid. The inflationary pressure is being created by the central bank trying to hold down the rupee to aid special interest exporters groups and not to mention the fiscal deficit created by the absurd agricultural and commodity subsidies meant for… you guessed it… the poor aam aadmi. See?”
The wife gives me a blank stare.
Me: “You don’t see?”
As soon as I said that, a profound understanding of the universe hit me. In that moment, I had the deepest inspiration o my life. It came to me like a bolt of lightning, and I suddenly saw the world crystal clear, and my brain had it all figured it out.
Economics! The impenetrable fog of misunderstanding that permeates our lives, the key to confusion and obfuscation.
Me: “I just had a great idea!”
Wife: “Really? What?”
Me: “Lets have an auction for all the household chores!”
Wife: “Excuse Me?”
Me: “Yeah! Like how the government auctions off the spectrum to the Mobile companies.”
Wife: “Ooo… I don’t know…”
Me: “This is a great idea! We’ll write all the household chores on a piece of paper, and then we can bid on them!”
Wife: “Is this like the time when you tried to convince me that the XBOX is an investment?”
Me: “THE XBOX IS A VERY GOOD INVESTMENT!!! WE SHOULD BUY 2 OF THEM! But anyway, that’s not what this is about.”
Wife: “This sounds like another of your schemes!”
Me: “No, really. It’ll be a fair and genuine auction. Here’s how it works: First, we take some fake money…”
Wife (voice dripping with sarcasm): “Real auction, fake money. This doesn’t sound suspicious at all…”
Me (ignoring, completely excited): “…and then we write “I won’t do chore XXX” on pieces of paper…”
Wife: “…wait… I thought this was about doing chores, and not avoiding them…”
Me: “and then we bid for the pieces of paper. At the end of the auction, I won’t do all the chores that I bought, so you have to do them and vice versa”
Wife: “Wait… This is ridiculous. It doesn’t make any sense…”
Me: “No.. No… Think about it. It is completely fair. Since both of us have the same about of fake money, we have equal buying power, and we can buy chores that we REALLY REALLY don’t want to do, but we can’t buy them all, so we’ll have to do SOME chores…”
The Wife is holding her head and giving me THE LOOK.
Me (still not getting the hint…) “…and the price of the chores reflect the marginal scarcity… of.. the… err… hmm… Why are you holding your head? Headache?”
SCORE!!! Economic Theory: 1 Common Sense: 0
After much convincing and explaining, I finally managed to convince the wife that this was a fair scheme to divide the housework and it would work perfectly. I started writing all the household chores on pieces of paper, and lined up some fake monopoly money, and we were ready to start. This was going to be fun…
And just because you seem confident enough to say “This was going to be fun…”, I am going to guess it turns out to be not-fun-at-all. Like most schemes to outwit The Wife.
Yes, you guessed right. Fun is not equal to success
Another one of the tragedies of life, eh?
I have a better idea. It is called prioritization of chores. It means you list down all things that wife wants to do on an excel and strike down things that (you think) need not be done or atleast postponed. For eg. put the shoes in the shoe rack need not be done unless all shoes are out. And then there are things that can be delegated. For eg, take the instance of killing roaches using HIT, there is GODREJ PEST CARE.
[...] Kulkarni attempts to use economic theory to outdo The Wife. I’m hedging my bets on The Wife because experience however brief tells me they never can be [...]
Oh man! It sounds very intelligent, it sounds like it will work. I hope it works, but I am afraid it might not. Will be interested to know how it went.
you’ve got me hooked…will be back for more…
That was funny to read. Waiting for your update
[...] [This is part 2 of a series. Part 1 is here] [...]
Hey everyone! Thanks for coming out openly in support for me. I will soon be starting a movement “Protect Innocent Husbands From HouseHold Chores” to help the millions of overworked husbands from around the world! Stay tuned!
I am unmarried and have never got a chance to use your economic strategy… Will surely be applying it when I get time…
All the best buddy for your movement… I will support you no matter what may come up…