I get back from work one day and notice that the wife is in a very good mood. She’s singing and all, and generally in a happy mood. This instinctively puts me on the defensive, I smell a trap. But even after some time, when I don’t get assigned to cut tomatoes, I’m begin to think that she really is happy. She’s probably looking forward to something. Her general humming is making me very nervous, and I’m trying to rack my brain trying to figure out any obvious causes that might make her so happy.
None come to mind. She’s still humming, and asks me if I want any coffee. Oh my God! Something is definitely up. Did I promise her something? Why is she so happy with me? What have I done right? I’m trying to search all recent memory in my brain, but still nothing. Did I promise to watch a movie with her this weekend? Noo… I certainly wouldn’t do that! Aaaarrrghhhh! The suspense is killing me. I decide to try to “fish out” the information from her.
Me: “So……”
She looks up and looks at me, smiling.
Me: “Life’s all good?”
Wife: “Yes, yes! Very good! We’ve come a long way, eh?”
Long way? From where? Her office is only 5 minutes away.
Me: “Well, if you take into account the traffic and the buffaloes, the office does seem far away!”
Wife: “Hahaha!… You’re funny… That’s not what I meant, silly!”
She Laughed at my Joke!?!?! Something is not right! I’m starting to sweat now!
Me: (laughing nervously): “Heh heh! Yeah… So… where have we come?”
Wife: “Soon, its going to be a year! One year! It seems like yesterday when…”
What is she talking about? Just as I’m pondering over what the hell happened a year ago, the epic light of dawnling realization shines on me. Oh, crap! She means our wedding anniversary! How could I forget!
I have a tragic flaw in that when I’m thinking, my face becomes twisted in a weird way, and my neck buckles to make my face look slightly upwards, as if looking into the sky. Its a dead giveway that I’m in a conference call with my brain. The wife has learnt to pick this up, and has probably realised that I’ve forgotten our anniversary.
Wife: “You do remember, its our Anniversary this week, right?”
Me: “Of course, yes yes…. I remember! It’s our Anniversary on the….”
Is it the 5th or the 6th? Oh, gosh! My mind has blanked out. I think it was the fifth! No, but I was on leave since the 1st, which was one week before the wedding, so the wedding must have been on the 6th. But I remember the wedding hall was booked from the 5th. Oh man! Oh man! I have to say something soon…My brain instructs my vocal chords to say fifth!
Me: “on the fiiiiiiiiffffffff…..”
The wife raises one eyebrow. Oh, no! fifth is the wrong answer! Damage Control! Emergency Emergency! Abort instruction! Override!
Me: “fiiiffffff….a.aaaa.aaaaaachchooooooooo! AAaaahh! Excuse me!”
Wife is giving me The Look.
Me: “Anniversary is on the sixth!”
Wife: “Well, at least you remembered! I hope you’ve got me a thoughtful gift too!”
Whew! That was a close one. If I’d gotten the date of the anniversary wrong, that too on our very first anniversary, I’d be made to remember it for the rest of my life. Lucky escape! But wait! What’s the thing about the thoughtful gift?!? No matter… Disaster avoided for now…
Me: “Oh yeah yeah! I’ve bought a thoughtful gift! Its so thoughtful, so thoughtful that it’ll leave you thinking! Haha!”
Wife: “Well, that’s good! I’m so looking forward to the sixth!”
Me: “Oh yeah, me too! I’ll bet my thoughtful gift kicks your thoughtful gift’s ass. You’ve got serious competition lady! You’d better come up with some spectacular gift for me to match my super-duper-ultra-thoughtful gift!”
Regular readers will immediately recognize that this is my super-inflated ego speaking. I had absolutely no idea of ANY gift, leave alone a thoughtful one, but that hadn’t stopped my big ego from making unsubstantiated claims. This was going to get me intro trouble!
Now, where am I going to find a thoughtful gift!?!?!
To Be Continued…
The best gift I give to my close ones are things that I want. For eg, I gifted my sis an IPOD for her wedding anniversary. Whenever, I visit her home, while she watches the lousy TV, I put on her IPOD and listen. On previous occasions of her birthday, I had gifted her TT bat, chess board, football etc, none of which she had any use for!
How about a hardcover (book) of all your posts that are under the “thewife” category ?
Warning: The hard cover has uses other than offering rigid protection to the book. The book can lend itself easily to experiments that test the aerodynamics of particles.
All you guys are suggesting deadly ideas. Deadly, in the literal sense – i.e., they’ll all get me killed!
you’ll figure something out, am sure. btw, i had left you a comment on your ‘tomatoes’ post.. did you manage to read it?
so long…
Dude… Does your wife read this blog??
or is this all conjured up and you don’t have a wife… :-O coz you look quite young in that photograph of yours…lol…
Well that thewife posts in a hard-bound copy is not a BAD idea at all… Give it… Tell her it’s fiction and written just to entertain your readers…
and i always wondered how men dealt with many wives in the good old days…
PS: get her a new sofa… if i am not wrong, u did spill coffee on it several blog posts ago
part 2 has been censored by ‘the wife’?? or has aditya been removed from the face of the earth by ‘the look’?? mystery continues abt his existence??
or is he comin up with a scheme to outsource the blogging?
Can’t outsource… there ain’t a better writer than him.
IPL pe jyaada dhyaan de raha hai aaj kal… that’s what i think.
Dude, Are you stuck with this IPL thing? Pl write, Life is calling!
No IPL also..
He ij really bujhee…
You’r slacking big time, PK. No blogs only.
lol!….
Clever trick, turning the ‘fifth’ into a sneeze. No doubt that skill will save your life many times in the future too.
You should have got married on Feb 29th. That way you will get a heart attack only once in 4 years!
Ek mahina hone ko aaya
This month is boring without any inputs from your blog.
Get up boy & type something.
Or have you been warned by New Karnataka Govt not to write any more blog?
Are u writing something bigger like a novel or something?
Hey everyone! Thanks for the not-so-gentle reminders that I’m slacking at providing you free entertainment, which, according to some of you, is now my new job.
I promise to keep writing now that I’m back
good one