Regular readers will know that I’ve been desperately trying to avoid watching movies. My several previous plans (plan 1, plan 2, plan 3) have not been very successful, and even my writing harsh reviews (Race, Saawariya, Om Shanti Om) have not done anything. Things were getting desperate for me when it seemed inevitable that we were going to watch “One Two Three”. I decided I was going to put up a fight this time.
Wife: “Tickets are available for the 10:10 show Saturday Morning”
Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t go. I have something to do Saturday Morning”
I could tell that this surprised the wife. My usual Saturday morning plan is to sleep till 10 AM and “forget” to take a bath, so this was obviously something new. The only problem was that I didn’t have any “plan”. I had to think of something really fast.
Wife: “What’s so special that you can’t come to the movie?”
I hadn’t expected her to ask the question so directly. My brain was running in hyper-fast mode.
Me: “Aahhh… I am, actually, a little busy… eerrr… because I’m going to… aaahhh….”
The wife had started to give me THE Look. I think she suspected that I’d give some fake reason to try to get out of the movie. This was not good. Now my excuse had to be even better! Even as my head was trying to think of a good alibi, my mouth blurted out:
Me: “I can’t go to the movie because I’m going to the GYM!!!”
WHAT!??!???!!!
My brain was like “Excuse Me?!? Do you even know what that means? GYM?”
And then my soul was like “You know that is against the religious principles of Adityaism, right? I’m not going to the GYM. You’ll have to go without me!”
The prospect of my soul leaving me because I went to the gym was a grim one. I really like my soul, nice chap. As I was thinking about how to get out of this mess, the wife interjected. She seemed very happy.
Wife: “You’re going to the gym? How wonderful! Which gym are you going to?”
Me: “Uuhh? I mean… yes… yeah, the gym over there… Talwalkars… Right opposite our building.”
Thankfully I had recalled that there indeed WAS a gym in the mall opposite our house. If I had failed to name the gym, it would have been the end for me.
Wife: “Wonderful, wonderful! Oh, I just remembered something! Actually… What a co-incidence!!!”
Oh NO! What had happened now? Had she also signed up at the same gym? Was she going to come to the gym and make me run on the never-ending-running-machine-of-death like a mad scientist does to his lab mouse? I imagined me running on a hamster wheel… just round and round and round for all of eternity. A shiver went down my spine.
Wife: “You know Janavi? 3rd Floor? I was talking to her and she said her husband was also going to start going to the GYM from Saturday. The two of you should go together!”
Phew! At least she wasn’t coming. I couldn’t recall who this Janavi or her Hubby was but that was the least of my problems right now. Bigger things were already happening. My brain had called an emergency meeting of all the schizophrenic voices in my head, and they were already planning a revolt. My soul was giving a speech to them in my head.
Soul: “We will not tolerate this indignation! Our principles MUST be upheld. We MUST fight….”
This was very bad news. I could have said so many things! Why did I have to say that? I could have said I have a meeting at office, I could have said I had an appointment with the investment agent, but noooooo… I had to go and say “I’m going to the GYM”. Hopeless! Hopeless!
What am I going to do now?
Oh, thats simple. Never mind who goes with you, just claim that you are working on your six pack abs and lie on the floor mat till its time to go
rofl!
[...] This is part 2 of a series. First part is below [...]
Are you in whitefield or brookfields? I come to talwalkars in cosmos for the spa. I will check if u got memebership
At brookefields. But I’ve made a solemn vow that I will not go within 100 meters of that gym!