How to introduce yourself to Girls!

The 1-hour torture called ‘Chemistry lab’ is finally over. I’m always glad to get out of the Chemistry lab, because it makes me feel like a witch mixing all those acids and salts and whatnot together. And a bad witch at that, because my potion never turns out quite the color it should.

Anyway, as I’m walking out, I see Diridhar talking to a girl. A fresher. And a pretty one at that. Diridhar is the kind of person that seems to know a lot of girls
around campus, and is always talking to them. I’m insanely jealous, but I have to pretend to be civilized and so just smile at it. But not today. Today, I decide to do something about it.

I want to introduce myself to this girl, but I’m going to seem like a weirdo if I just go and interrupt the conversation. And so, I hatch a master-plan. I’ll just go up to Diridhar, tell him someone wants to see him urgently. He’ll have to leave, but before that he’ll introduce me to this girl, and I can take it from there. What a brilliant idea! What could possibly go wrong?

I walk up to Diridhar.

Me: “Hi dude! The HOD needs to see you right away. She is in the lab, waiting for you.”
An awkward moment. I am facing the girl, and she has the “Who the hell are you?” look on her face. With Diridhar barely acknowledging my presence, I am now in a very awkward position. But I’ve been in worse situations.

Diridhar: “You carry along; I will go see her later”.

Notice how cleverly Diridhar has worded his response. It asserts that I should leave immediately, but there is no commitment on his part to leave the place. Brilliant! A worthy competitor. He has definitely done this many, many times before. But not to be outdone, I decide to pursue this battle to the next level. I choose a triumph card.

Me: “It is about your student assistantship assignment. She seemed pretty upset!”

Nothing stirs up things like adding a dash of urgency into the situation. Nothing shakes you up like finding out you are on the wrong side of the HOD’s anger. This would have been an excellent victory where Diridhar has no option but to leave, except for a small oversight on my part.

Diridhar is not a Student Assistant.

This fact dawned on me a little late. Actually, it was too late. I look at Diridhar. The statement has had absolutely no effect on him. Oh dear! This mistake is going to cost me!

Diridhar: “The HOD can wait. I will go see her later!”

And Diridhar has come out looking like the knight in shining armor that has defeated the HOD dragon. This kinds of things impress Juniors, who, for some inexplicable reason, are mortally afraid of the Profs. Anyway, the girl is in complete awe of Diridhar. She gives me the “Get lost, I want to gawk at my handsome prince” look.

Diridhar nonchalantly tells me something about getting lost. The right thing for me to do, at this point, would have been to just walk away. But it’s me of course, and I’ve rarely done the right thing.

I’ve heard that chicks dig it if you handle defeat with grace. With this goal in mind, I decide to say a goodbye to the girl, so that I may rationalize this as a moral victory later on. I turn to the girl and say…

Me: “OK then. See you later. It was nice meeting…”
As the word ‘meeting’ comes out of my mouth, I realize that she’s barely acknowledged my presence, and using the word ‘meeting’ here would be inappropriate. I try to change the word on the fly
Me: “….talking…”
Even worse! Only I’ve been talking and she’s only given me looks. Oh my god! What do I do now? I’m in a complete internal panic, and I don’t know what I’m saying. In retrospect, what the girl probably heard was:

Me: “It was nice meetalkaaaiiieeeeeeee!!!!”

One can’t really blame her that she never even looked at me again! Ever!