The Adventures of Chitradeep Chetty

I knew this guy in college, lets call him Chitradeep Chetty*. This guy had one of the most colorful lives I’ve ever known.

He couldn’t speak a word of Hindi, but that didn’t stop him from taking Hindi as a subject in College. He’d just sit in class and while away time, telling jokes about how chickens crossed the road.

So one day Chitradeep and I are sitting in Hindi class, having a good time. The prof is getting increasingly frustrated with the volume of our laughter, but that doesn’t slow us down.

Me: “I got another one. What ad did the Chicken put in the matrimonial section?“
Chitradeep: “Tell me…“
Me: “Age no bar, eggs bar bar“
Chitradeep (laughing hysterically): “Hehoehehaohahahaha…*snort*…hehehe“

At this point, the prof looses his patience. He yells
Prof: “CHITRADEEP CHETTY! Stand Up!”

And Chitradeep stands up, pretending to be mortified.

Prof: “?? ???? ?? ?? ????? ???? ???” (What do you think of yourself?)

There are 2 problems happening here, simultaneously. Chitradeep doesn’t understand any Hindi, but doesn’t want to admit it to the Prof.

Chitradeep: “Sir…I was…err…hmmm…reading the next chapter“
Prof: “?? ??? ???? ???? ??? ?????!” (Get out of the class immediately!)

Now Chitradeep is contemplating what the Professor might have said. He looks at me. I roll my eyes and slightly move my head, indicating him to get out of the class.

Chitradeep decides that this means “Sit down“

Chitradeep: “Thank you, Sir.“
…and sits down.

The Prof is totally lost for a minute. He’s really confused as to why Chitradeep would sit down when he explicitly asked him to get out. He turns to the class, and sarcastically remarks:
Prof: “?? ?? ?? ????? ???? ?????? ???? ??? ?? ?????? ????? ?? ???? ?????” (Kids these days are such idiots that they need to be beaten up with shoes)

Chitradeep turns towards me and whispers: “I think he likes me…“

Chitradeep has had so many misadventures that I could fill a book with it. He once took us to a restaurant to treat us for his birthday. Then, when the bill came, he literally jumped up, and ran out from the restaurant. We had to chase him through the streets and traffic. Another time, he tried to negotiate with the bouncers outside a discotheque to return his cover charge because, in his words, “there’s only dudes inside, man!”.

But to be fair to him, he’s generally a nice guy. He calls me every year on his birthday to remind me that I forgot to wish him.