The Phantom of the Opera

I went to an opera this weekend. It was the most indescribable experience of my life.

It was called “The Phantom of the Opera”. I can’t even begin to describe what it felt like – It was like watching a Hindi Movie, but dubbed in French. With a Jazz soundtrack. And with the audio stuck like in a tape-recorder. And with more songs than “Hum Aapke Hai Kaun“. It was totally weird.

It was my wife’s idea. She thought it would be a good “cultural education” for me. The only thing I learnt is that some people can sing with such a high-pitch that they can shatter your ear-drum. I swear I came dangerously close to that happening.

And now the story – I can safely say that I didn’t understand just what the hell was going on. Here’s how the brochure describes the opera:

“A disfigured musical genius, hidden away in the Paris Opera House, terrorizes the opera for the unwitting benefit of a young protégé whom he trains and loves.“

Here’s how I would describe the story:

Dude sings
Girl sings
Dude and Girl sing together
Dude dies
Dude sings
Dude dies again (I think)
Everyone sings

But to be fair, the opera had its moments. When the show starts, there are 4 pieces of this giant chandelier in 4 corners of hall. As the singing starts, the 4 pieces start floating around the huge hall (attached by cables to the ceiling) and the assemble themselves, as if by magic, into a chandelier. It was quite spectacular, honestly. As this was happening, everyone in the theater went like:

“Oooooo….aaaahhhhhh….bravo…bravo…” (clap clap clap)

and I was like (to the wife):

“Do you know how they do it? They have hydraulically controlled cantilevers on guided rails on the ceiling, and it the tension on the cables is adjusted (using 4-Dimensional positioning) to create the illusion of the chandelier swirling, and…“

A 60-something Aunty and her Husband, all dressed up in a black gown and the Uncle in a Tuxedo, and serious opera fans who were sitting in front of us. The Aunty turned back and gave me The LOOK. The Uncle also turned back, adjusted his glasses, and gave me a glare. As I sunk into my seat, my wife pretended to act like she didn’t know me.

Anyway, it was 90 minutes of ear-shattering terror. When it ended, I couldn’t tell if it was a happy ending or a tragedy. I guessed it was a sad ending because some people in the audience had a very heavy and sad look on their face. Or it might have been because they had been subject to so much torture. I couldn’t tell.

I highly recommend this opera to everyone.