How I crashed into a Buffalo

Back in College, I owned a bike – A Silver Suzuki Fiero and I loved it. Not enough to keep it clean, but that’s a different story. Anyway, I was riding to college in the freezing pre-dawn time (7:30 AM), lost in my thoughts, talking to the voices in my head.

Voice #1: “Why do these autos write 2500cc at the back when they only have a 150cc engine?”
Voice #2: “It’s the placebo effect. If you believe in yourself, the impossible becomes possible.”
Voice #1: “That’s ridiculous. The auto can’t increase it’s power just by believing it has a big engine!”
Voice #2: “You underestimate the power of self-esteem.”
Voice #1: “Auto’s don’t have self-esteem. They’re not even living things.”
Voice #2: “And you? You’re just a figment of this joker’s imagination!”
Me: “JUST A MINUTE! Who’re you calling a joker?”
Russian Voice:”???????! ???????!”
Voice #1: “What? We really gotta teach this dude some english. What…are…you…saying?
Russian Voice: “BIG! BLACK! 4-LEGS!”
Voice #2: “Auto’s have only 3 wheels, mate!”

Only at this point did I realize that the Russian Voice in my head was talking about the Big Black Buffalo that was proudly standing in the middle of the road. There it was, majestically rooted in it’s rightful place – in the middle of this urban, 6-lane road. And I was on a collision course with this monster.

Relativity says that time slows as you approach the speed of light. My corollary is that it stops entirely when approaching Big Black Buffalos. For a moment, my eyes met the Buffalo’s. It had the gangster look in its eyes. It seemed to be saying “Game Over!” Have you ever looked into the eyes of a Buffalo? You should try it sometime. It’s like looking at The Godfather. You suddenly have this inexplicable urge to bow down and ask for forgiveness for trampling on the Earth. At that point I realized that Buffalos are the true rulers of this planet. We’re just pollution.

Voice #1: “Aaarrrggghhh… Brake! HIT THE BRAKE, YOU FOOL!”
Me: “Eh? What?”
Voice #2: “See ya’ll on the other side of this world. It was nice knowing you, Russian Dude! Peace.”

I hit the brakes hard, but there was no way I could stop before I hit the thing. The Bike’s wheel crashed first, then me. I bounced off it’s thick skin, performed, involuntarily, a 360-degree somersault, and landed on the other side, flat on the road. The bike had crashed into the Buffalo, and rebounded right back. The Buffalo was unmoved. It hardly flinched.

It turned it’s head towards me, looked into my eyes and said “You Live. But I’ll be seeing you soon”. I managed to get my bike up, and limped my way to get some first aid. But the Close Encounters of the Buffalo Kind left me shaken. It took me quite some time to recover. I learnt to treat them with a lot more respect after this incident. I still ask for forgiveness everytime I see one.