Round and Round

Announcer Guy: “Ladies and Gentlemen, Welcome to the 2008 Miss WORLD!”

–Loud cheers and thunderous applause–

Announcer Guy: “We will begin the contest with the Question and Answer round. Leading our panel of judges today is the great, the inimitable, the one and only… ADITYA KULKARNI”

–Even Louder Cheers and wild, thunderous applause. Sounds of girls screaming–

Announcer Guy: “Our first contestant is Rakhi Savant! Yes, Mr. Kulkarni. What question do you have for the lovely lady?”
Me: “Hello Beautiful! My question is: ‘If you had to chose between me and SuperMan, who would you chose and why?’”
Rakhi Savant: “I would definitely choose…Good Morning!”
There’s confusion everywhere. Everyone is wondering what’s happening.
Me: “Excuse me?”
Rakhi Savant: “Wake up, it’s 6 in the morning!”
Suddenly, everything goes dark. There is only one light at a very far distance. The light starts coming closer and closer, and all of a sudden, floods my vision. I’m struggling to open my eyes…
Wife: “Good morning, sleepy head. Wake up!”
I panic and look around to see if Rakhi Savant is still there. No sign of her. I open my mouth to say “Oh God! What have you done?!?” but end up saying:
Me: “Xqjkpvfg?”
Wife: “Come on, come on, get up, GET UP!”
Me: “Go away. It’s still midnight!”
Wife: “It’s 6AM”
Me: “My internal clock disagrees. Leave me alone”
Wife: “Remember? You promised to go for a morning walk today!”
Me: “I lied. Now let me sleep”
Wife: “I’m going to make coffee. You’d better be out of bed in 2 minutes”

2 peaceful minutes pass by.

Wife: “Are you up?”
…no response…
Wife: “Finished brushing your teeth?”
Me: “Yesterday only. Please stop shouting. You’re scaring the contestants.”
Wife: “Who?”
Me: “Nothing nothing.”
Wife: “Look outside, it’s a beautiful day!”
Me: “I’m sure it is. I’ll take your word for it.”
Wife: “I’m going to throw a bucket of water on you!”
Me: “You won’t. That’ll ruin the new bed-sheet.”
Wife: “Don’t threaten me.”
Me: “I dare you!”

In retrospect, that last statement of mine was a big mistake. But under those circumstances, I was desperate. Lets just say that I was “forcefully persuaded” to get out of the bed. The wife dragged me out of the house, and off we went on our morning walk.

Me: “What’s that weird smell?”
Wife: “That’s what fresh air smells like.”
Me: “Why can’t we smell fresh air in the afternoon?”
Wife: “Don’t argue. Morning air is good for your health”

And so, we’re wandering about in circles for an hour. I think the wife might have given a lecture about the benefits of a morning walk. Or it could have been about Global Warming. Half of my nervous system was still asleep, so I’m not really sure. We finally return home. It’s not even 7:30, and I’m already feeling tired!

Wife: “See, wasn’t that nice? We should do this everyday. It increases blood circulation. Didn’t you enjoy it?”
I’ve fallen off on the sofa.
Wife: “Oh come on! You can’t fall asleep again! Wake up! WAKE UP!”

–Sound of me snoring–

Announcer guy: “Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome back after a short break! We now continue the show with the SWIM-WEAR round!”
–Loud cheers and thunderous applause–